Peoples, peoples, such yer cake holes for one goddamn second, for I have an announcement to make:

I will not participate in No-Nut November this year. For one thing, I’m 26 years old and genuinely so sheltered that I’m not even sure what “nut” means in this case.

Also, I don’t want to be a sexually inhibited criminal like Frolo from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame or that OTHER “Jeffrey.”

That is all. Go back to eating mud or whatever you peasants do.